I wish I could pass off last week as a bad dream, a nightmare of unrealistic proportions, but I can’t. The older I get, the smaller our global community feels to me. The more my heart hurts when people are needlessly killed or hurt, physically or mentally. I don’t want you to relive the details, and I don’t want to give any wrong doers anymore screen time however if you are completely unaware of what I’m hinting at this article by Jezebel exacts my sentiments of most of what went on last week. It has me thinking about how we cope with loss and overwhelming stress. Last week I started running again, and eating cleaner. I took gluten and dairy almost completely out of my diet. I didn’t drink any wine and doubled my water intake. I walked to work every morning. I slept my eight hours to the best of my ability and I tried to reset my mental state one day at a time. While all of that helped me, I still feel like I’m a 5 am alarm clock that won’t shut off. Blaring in the dark while your eyes are blurry. When I feel overwhelmed I usually find comfort in focusing on things I love. My little family, my friends, my blog. I totally tried, really hard, but found myself retreating into a small bedroom with my laptop and my favorite video game while history podcasts went on in the background. I was trying to will everything out and away while I was still in my head, swimming in thoughts. I’m in shock. I’m in total awe that when things seem to get better, in a second they can turn on their heads.
On my morning walks I tried to see the life of the city. I share my photographs on Instagram (Azee16). I wanted to give people things to look at that weren’t damaging to the heart. These are the images I shared: Music culture is a huge part of Halifax. This piece is on the outside of a bar that used to be called The Marquee. Behind the buildings on Gottingen street, this sea of tags give horizon to a scare parking lot. Brunch with my love, hells yeah they made eggs benny with waffles! Took a stroll in the sun in the South end of our city, I found a small dead tree transformed into a pair of seals.
Today I bought each of my dogs soft toys that are ‘built’ to last aka for extreme chewers. In my heart I knew it would last them maybe a day but in their exuberance it not only entertained them, but us, for about one hour. The house soon was a cloud of stuffing, lit up the the sound of thumping tails and dotted with deflated animal bodies and respective parts. Sometimes happiness has to be found in the midst of a great mess. You have to ignore the distractions around you to focus on helping yourself be joyful. Today it meant letting my dogs teach me that happiness can take so little, yet be so rewarding.